So far 2011 has been a decided improvement from 2010. Of course, I realize that my view of things is a little hazy thanks to the extremely crappy circumstances of our past pregnancy. I know the whole entire year wasn't an entire bust. It just feels like it was sometimes. It was the major event that started our year and quite effectively sucked away a lot of our emotional energy and good cheer. It was hard to focus on much of anything else most of the time. I'm happy to be where we are today and it feels good to know we made it through. What a difference a year makes!
Some recent good news has come our way. Both Hubbs and I have been working really hard at our respective jobs and trying to do our best every day. Hubbs has been consistently meeting and exceeding his sales goals for the last couple of years and I have been pouring hours of time and effort in to elevating my job responsibilities beyond the title on my business card. Finally it has paid off for both of us. We have both been recently promoted!
Hubbs has stepped up in to the next level of sales for what he does and will be handling larger accounts across the US. The new job will start tomorrow and, although he is nervous about something new, I know he'll do great. I'm very proud of him for reaching out to take advantage of an opportunity like this and I hope it works out for him.
As for me, I get to take the next small step on my way up the ladder. Initially my boss had intended to create a new position within our department to better quantify what I do for him and the management track I am on. Unfortunately, the corporate structure is sometimes rigid and the red tape thick. It is going to take a while longer to create the position and get all the powers that be to sign off on things. At any rate, March is promotion season so they've agreed to promote me to a higher level now while the title is in the making. It will increase my salary and authority level in our department and qualify me for the (usually generous) annual bonus. After the new position has officially been created, I'll make a lateral move to the new title.
To be honest, I don't really give a shit what title my business card shows. It doesn't define or confine me...all momma cares about is those bi-monthly deposits. ;) Make that right, and you can keep the labels, business cards, and name plates for all I care. And really, I'm just happy to have a steady, secure job. Sure, the commute blows...but I can deal with that part.
Jobs aside, things are going well elsewhere too. Lil Man may finally have a report card that doesn't cause him to be grounded or cause me to have red flashes of anger in my eyes. Hopefully we'll know for sure in the next week when grades are completely updated by the teachers. I'm crossing my fingers that I don't have to lay the hammer again. I don't like doing it, but I will if I have to.
The baby is growing, as is momma, and things are on schedule so far. We had what I think might be our last appointment with the specialist a few weeks ago. He looked at all the internal organs and said he was really happy with what he saw. Test results are coming back with good numbers. We're inching our way to the finish line. :) We've started gathering up some hand-me-down baby stuff from really generous friends and our latest efforts are getting the baby's room/office put together. We're trying to come up with a few baby name options and pretty soon I'll have my first baby shower.This week starts the last trimester so we're on our way!
Good things are in the air. I'm just going to do my best to soak it up and be thankful. It could all be gone tomorrow and I don't want to take it for granted.
Sunday
Wheeeeeewh!
Did you hear that? That is me letting out the breath I've been holding for about 14 weeks. I am finally able to exhale! We had an ultrasound with the specialist this week. He checked everything out and said, "Looks good". Looks good! Amazing. One year to the day of when we found out our lives would take a drastic, unexpected turn we get the news that we will get to move on in our pregnancy.
It took me a little while to let the news sink in. I'd spent too much time preparing myself for bad news. I wasn't really sure how to handle the good. I had a hard time sleeping that night. Too many thoughts running through my head. I heard the doc's words and replayed the conversation we had after the 20 minute ultrasound. I thought about his funny way of telling us what was brewing inside. I realized just how nervous I was about it all even though I had on my strong face for Lil Man & Hubbs. I guess the biggest thought that kept running through my head was that we'll actually get to meet our baby. In about 20 weeks we'll get to meet our son!
Amazing. I don't think my face or my heart was big enough for the smile I carried around the next few days. I'm glad I got to test it out. :)
It took me a little while to let the news sink in. I'd spent too much time preparing myself for bad news. I wasn't really sure how to handle the good. I had a hard time sleeping that night. Too many thoughts running through my head. I heard the doc's words and replayed the conversation we had after the 20 minute ultrasound. I thought about his funny way of telling us what was brewing inside. I realized just how nervous I was about it all even though I had on my strong face for Lil Man & Hubbs. I guess the biggest thought that kept running through my head was that we'll actually get to meet our baby. In about 20 weeks we'll get to meet our son!
Amazing. I don't think my face or my heart was big enough for the smile I carried around the next few days. I'm glad I got to test it out. :)
Friday
New
Hot damn I missed this place! I haven't blogged in months and I haven't read anything other people have blogged in almost as long. What the hell? I feel like I stopped being me a little bit. No bueno. I know my blogging buddies have moved on and I missed out on a lot of things. *sigh* 2010 sure did kick my ass. Can't promise I'll do better about writing, but I'm here right now and it sure as hell feels good.
I am a little bit of a different person after what I went through this same time last year. I don't know if I'm stronger or more weak than before. I can't tell you if I'm better or worse. I just know I made it through. That is enough for me right now. I don't need anything else and I don't need to make sense of it all. I don't think there will ever be an explanation good enough for the heart ache my family and I went through. I've come to a place of realization that it is what it is and I can never change it. Good enough. It is going to have to be.
My niece was born and she is ridiculously cute. This was hard for me in the beginning but I really do love her. I can't wait to watch her grow up. I wish she and my sister lived closer.
We finally! had our house warming party. It was great to see everyone who came out and it was nice to have people over. We hope to have more gatherings in the future. Did some more stuff to decorate the house like paint the front door red and recently (last weekend) bought new furniture.
We wrapped the year up nicely with a pretty quiet Christmas at my Dad's house
2010 was filled with a lot of ups and some serious downs. I hope this year has some amazing things in store for us and the family. Cross your fingers...I know I am!
I am a little bit of a different person after what I went through this same time last year. I don't know if I'm stronger or more weak than before. I can't tell you if I'm better or worse. I just know I made it through. That is enough for me right now. I don't need anything else and I don't need to make sense of it all. I don't think there will ever be an explanation good enough for the heart ache my family and I went through. I've come to a place of realization that it is what it is and I can never change it. Good enough. It is going to have to be.
I can't possibly catch up on everything that has gone on. 2010 wasn't all bad so I'm grateful for the good moments too. Here are some highlights in no specific order:
Lil Man turned 14 and we all survived the first semester of ninth grade. (barely)
My niece was born and she is ridiculously cute. This was hard for me in the beginning but I really do love her. I can't wait to watch her grow up. I wish she and my sister lived closer.We finally! had our house warming party. It was great to see everyone who came out and it was nice to have people over. We hope to have more gatherings in the future. Did some more stuff to decorate the house like paint the front door red and recently (last weekend) bought new furniture.
Lil Man went on his trip to Washington D.C. and New York during the summer before 9th grade started
We wrapped the year up nicely with a pretty quiet Christmas at my Dad's house
And a couple months before that, we found out that we were pregnant!
2010 was filled with a lot of ups and some serious downs. I hope this year has some amazing things in store for us and the family. Cross your fingers...I know I am!
Progress
I want to say I'm over it, but I'm not. I am, however, better than I was. That's progress, right? I don't want to crawl in to a hole and hide from the world. I'm not as numb and I'm a little less disconnected. I can laugh and feel it now.
I still cry sometimes. I still know that I would have had a baby shower this past Saturday and that I should have developed a waddle walk by now. I know that I would have been excited to see that little face in a few more weeks and mildly terrified about the pain I'd go through before I could kiss it. I would have been ready for it though. I was ready for it.
Life moves on.
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Some updates on my life:
We are working on the house a little bit. I still have boxes to unpack, but I'm giving myself a tragedy pass. I got a little sidetracked and it is OK that I still have boxes to unpack. We had work done on the front and back yards last month and it makes the house looks a thousand times better. We are not the ugliest spot on the block anymore! Amazing what some green grass can do.
We are also not the hottest house on the block anymore. We installed central air and upgraded the central heat. Now we can actually survive the summer with some level of comfort. I won't have to sit outside on the patio with my feet submerged in a kiddie pool to keep cool. I get to stay inside and fork out more cash for the electric bill instead. ;) Yay!
Lil Man is off to New York and D.C. in a couple of weeks. He'll be gone for 5 days and 4 nights on this trip. I hope he has a great time and takes advantage of the opportunity to go to these places he's never been before. I'll miss him while he's gone, but it'll be worth it if he has fun.
School is almost out too. Holy hell, I can not wait for summer! Being the mom of a 13 year old eighth grader has been quite a challenge. Hubbs and I can use the break. Two months isn't quite long enough, but we'll take it! It'll give us time to recharge the batteries and get ready for high school. I hope we are all ready for the ninth grade...
I still cry sometimes. I still know that I would have had a baby shower this past Saturday and that I should have developed a waddle walk by now. I know that I would have been excited to see that little face in a few more weeks and mildly terrified about the pain I'd go through before I could kiss it. I would have been ready for it though. I was ready for it.
Life moves on.
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Some updates on my life:
We are working on the house a little bit. I still have boxes to unpack, but I'm giving myself a tragedy pass. I got a little sidetracked and it is OK that I still have boxes to unpack. We had work done on the front and back yards last month and it makes the house looks a thousand times better. We are not the ugliest spot on the block anymore! Amazing what some green grass can do.
We are also not the hottest house on the block anymore. We installed central air and upgraded the central heat. Now we can actually survive the summer with some level of comfort. I won't have to sit outside on the patio with my feet submerged in a kiddie pool to keep cool. I get to stay inside and fork out more cash for the electric bill instead. ;) Yay!
Lil Man is off to New York and D.C. in a couple of weeks. He'll be gone for 5 days and 4 nights on this trip. I hope he has a great time and takes advantage of the opportunity to go to these places he's never been before. I'll miss him while he's gone, but it'll be worth it if he has fun.
School is almost out too. Holy hell, I can not wait for summer! Being the mom of a 13 year old eighth grader has been quite a challenge. Hubbs and I can use the break. Two months isn't quite long enough, but we'll take it! It'll give us time to recharge the batteries and get ready for high school. I hope we are all ready for the ninth grade...
Monday
Unexpected
Today was a hard day. I didn't expect it to be because the last few days have felt better. Not exactly normal, but better. I thought it was a sign that I was on the mend...clear skies ahead and all that noise. I guess sometimes it can just creep up and hit you.
My friend came in today to attend the staff meeting where all this year's promotions were announced. She is on maternity leave so it was an unexpected visit to most people in the office. Today was the first time most of our coworkers have seen her since she had the baby and today her son is one month old. She is one of my best friends and we work together; I knew she was coming and I thought it was going to be no problem. We even scheduled lunch.
I guess I didn't consider that everyone would be so excited to see her. I didn't think that hearing everyone be so happy about her and her baby would give me this feeling deep in my chest. I knew she was coming to the office and I know she had her baby. I've even met him. I didn't expect to hear people's comments when she showed them the pictures..."Oh, he's so cute!"..."He's so little"..."look at all that hair"... She is very well liked and she deserves that type of welcome. I want her to have that. I wasn't expecting to want to hide from it.
I'm the strong one. I'm the rock. I'll get through it and I'll be OK. Even though today was hard, I know it won't always be. I laughed this weekend and got my nails done. I did a little planning with my dad on what to do in the back yard. I only shed a few tears when I watched last week's episode of Brothers and Sisters on my DVR. I'll get through it and I'll be OK...
My friend came in today to attend the staff meeting where all this year's promotions were announced. She is on maternity leave so it was an unexpected visit to most people in the office. Today was the first time most of our coworkers have seen her since she had the baby and today her son is one month old. She is one of my best friends and we work together; I knew she was coming and I thought it was going to be no problem. We even scheduled lunch.
I guess I didn't consider that everyone would be so excited to see her. I didn't think that hearing everyone be so happy about her and her baby would give me this feeling deep in my chest. I knew she was coming to the office and I know she had her baby. I've even met him. I didn't expect to hear people's comments when she showed them the pictures..."Oh, he's so cute!"..."He's so little"..."look at all that hair"... She is very well liked and she deserves that type of welcome. I want her to have that. I wasn't expecting to want to hide from it.
I'm the strong one. I'm the rock. I'll get through it and I'll be OK. Even though today was hard, I know it won't always be. I laughed this weekend and got my nails done. I did a little planning with my dad on what to do in the back yard. I only shed a few tears when I watched last week's episode of Brothers and Sisters on my DVR. I'll get through it and I'll be OK...
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