I don't know what the deal is, but I'm feeling restless again. If I'm being completely honest I guess I've been feeling this way for a while. It's not every day and all consuming, but some days I feel it more than others. It's generally a constant fluttering just beneath my consciousness. I'm not sure what the cause of it is but it makes my mind wander and wonder. I'm always one to try and fix things, so it's driving me a little crazy that I can't seem to figure it out.My recent mind wanderings, as well as things like Uncle Kevin's Cancer, have led me to reflect on life and what's important. I tend to think these feelings of restlessness have a lot to do with my professional life. I know there are personal gaps to fill too, but work is big on my mind.
Lately I feel like I'm not using my abilities to their fullest in order to be successful. A part of me feels like I'm selling out for the comfort and flexibility my current job offers. Another part of me wonders if there really is "more" out there or if I'm just buying in to the "you can do anything" bullshit that people spew at you to make you feel good. Sure, I think I'm capable of more, but can I make money doing it? Whatever "it" may be? I know, it's the million dollar question. If I had the answer this blog post would be irrelevant.
Over the last couple of years I've fluctuated between the possibilities of different careers I could have. I kind of feel like that little kid who's going to be a firefighter one week and a marine biologist the next. I've got a lot of interests but only a few talents, if that's what you'd call them. I'd love to be able to do something that is more personally fulfilling in some way. I probably need to focus in on something and just go for it, but there's that nagging habit of getting my bills paid that seems to get in the way of really doing anything like that. Fact of the matter is that we need to make money and starting over doesn't really help that. Self fulfilling career paths rarely do either.Whatever. I need to get it together. Either I'm going to ride this job out and revel in the flexibility of being able to attend Lil Man's school functions, leave the office by 5:00 ish most of the week, and knowing my job front and back or I'm going to get off my ass and do something different. Jump into the unknown and hope it doesn't sink us. Or backfire and leave me even worse than restless--jobless.
It's a hard thing to decide, wouldn't you say?
8 comments:
that IS tough - convenience vs. satisfaction, right?
i really think that at this point, it's important to be able to go to li'l man's school functions and come home at a decent time. the tough part is that when he gets old enough to where it doesn't matter as much anymore, will that still leave you with the option to explore other possibilities?
i guess that's the $64,000 question. and i was no help at all, was i?
It's tough - that's for sure. I feel that if you have this restless energy, you've got to do something with it, otherwise it will nag at you and eat away at other aspects of your life. What about doing some personal work, some introspection, to perhaps identify what you'd like to try? You're not on any deadline, and who knows - in a year from now you might feel totally ready.
My advice is to not ignore what your body is telling you. You don't have to give up your job for that.
I couldn't said it better than CA Girl. Take some time while Lil' Man is in school and you have flexibility to reflect and make a plan.
sigh. i guess the million dollar question never ends.
like s said, don't ignore it, but also don't put too much pressure on yourself or do anything rash, although i doubt you'd do anything rash/unwise.
Fact of the matter is that we need to make money and starting over doesn't really help that.
Agreed. Story of my life.
The debbie downer side of me says it's difficult to find a job that you're really good at, are passionate about, and can make money. However, I am currently reading a book called the Last Lecture, in which this guy talks about how he achieved his childhood dreams even though they were all pretty farfetched . . . and that's been pretty inspiring. So who knows?
Ok, I'm just rambling on and on in your comment area.
story of my life besides the wedding, yo. i feel your pain.
this is a tough one. and i think we all struggle with that from time to time. no real advice for you, but good luck with trying to get it all straight.
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