11:30, 12:30, 3, 5

I was up the first time. It was no big deal. I should have been in bed already, but I was working on some stuff for a baby shower this weekend. Happy to do the work because it's crafty stuff and I dig that. He couldn't sleep he said. No reason why. He just couldn't sleep. I can't do much to help you with that. You kind of have to lay there and fall asleep, buddy.

The next time I had just barely fallen asleep. Sweet sleep. I knew when I went to bed that I'd be struggling a little in the morning, but nothing I couldn't handle.

"Mom, I still can't sleep", he tells me.

"What? Why?", I asked.

"I don't know. I've been up since I went to bed. I can't fall asleep."

Groan. "Buddy, you've got to lay down and relax a little. It might take a while, but you'll eventually fall asleep. Is anything bothering you?"

"No. OK, I'll go back to my room and lay down."

I heard him open the door and go into the bathroom. I heard the tap of the toilet lid and then nothing. I started to drift back to sleep...he'd finish up and go back to bed on his own...zzzzz

"Guys, I have a problem."

"Wha...?" At this point I'm trying to focus my eyes and wake up enough to understand the words I was hearing. Problem?

"I clogged the toilet. And I still have to go."

Oh shit. Seriously? Weren't you just in here 15 minutes ago telling me you couldn't sleep? Oh man, now one of us has to get up and fix this. It ain't going to be sleeping beauty over there. Better it's me anyway. He's kind of a girl about this sort of stuff and I'd rather not hear the whole thing right now. If I can do this quickly I may still have time to get back to sleep by 1. That gives me 4 hours before the alarm goes off.

The next 20 or so minutes were filled with a drowsy plunging fury. Geez kid, what the heck did you do in there? Of course with all this activity I wasn't drowsy for long. I was awake and desperately hoping the next series of rapid fire power plunging would do the trick. Flush...wait...dammit. Slosh, slosh, slosh, slosh, slosh! Flush...wait...DAMMIT! At this point one of Austin Powers' Fat Bastard's famous lines "I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey" pops into my head. It might have been funnier if I wasn't so focused on the task at hand. Lil Man says he's sorry and I tell him don't worry about it. We'll get it fixed.

Finally, it flushes!! I won! (yes, another chance to be the champion at something) I get all cleaned up, pat the little guy's back, and tell him we're all good. Finish up now and go to bed. I am happy to do the same. As I crawl back into bed I happen to glance over at the clock. *record screech* Am I reading that right? Mother effer...it's 3 a.m. not anywhere near 12 or 1. That last time I didn't wake up 15 minutes later. It was a couple of hours later when he came in. Oh man! I have to get up in 2 fuckin' hours to go to the gym. This is going to suck big time.

I never hated that 5:00 a.m. alarm so much as I did this morning. I contemplated staying in bed since it was my extra day to workout. I even tried to go back to sleep. No go. I knew that Workout Buddy was due back to the gym today and would be waiting for me. And Hubbs was cycling away on the stationary bike...it sounded like he was churning a giant frickin metal gear right next to my head and the TV must have been turned up to the volume level Annoying because I couldn't fall back to sleep. So I got up and dragged my ass to the gym.

I'm tired people. And you can see it in my face. I remember feeling like this when Lil' Man was still a mini-man. Up every 2 or so hours to feed him or change his butt. Who knew that at almost 11 years old I'd still be dealing with killer poo that could wake you up from a peaceful sleep.